So there’s a phrase used in Al-Anon, (a 12 step group for family/friends of alcoholics) "Take what you like and leave the rest". That phrase helped me as I listened to others share their experiences and stories. I learned from them and learned to separate what didn’t work for me and what did. Everyone might have been at those meetings for a similar reason (a loved one who was an alcoholic) but everyone’s experiences were different. They brought different experiences, beliefs, and impressions. I didn’t have to take everything they said as gospel (literally: for me, an omnipotent God as a higher power is not going to work) to be in communion with them.
That belief has stuck with me since I attended meetings regularly because I used to struggle with all or nothing thinking: “you’re with me or against me” or “if we disagree on X, I can’t understand anything about you”. It’s really helped me in life.
So when a friend asked me if I was staying in the fandom after my disappointment with series 3, I had a think. And another think. Then I thought: YES. And when my initial reaction to some very dear friends was shock and disappointment (Ha! I bet this was mutual!) because they adored something that left a bad taste in my mouth I thought: SELF. Back on up.
"Take what you like and leave the rest"
I read of a LOT of meta today and a lot of people’s impressions and what I got was we all bring our own ideas, experiences, beliefs, desires, and preferences to what we experience. For me, I feel more that there is less right or wrong or good fan or bad fan but a lot of we bring different things to the table. (disclaimer Ahoy! There are imho some legit problems. For one example, TBB I am looking at you Racist stereotypes much? There are also some good areas for debate. However, I leave that to people more constitutionally suited for it.) I can learn from people sharing their thoughts even if agree 10% or 1% or 99%.
"Take what you like and leave the rest"
This goes to the show too. I come to BBC Sherlock as an ACD/Granada/all-around Holmes fan. I like: Ben & Martin in their roles, cases modern London, some of the fabulous other characters (oh, Molly I adore you even more!), some of the episodes, and some of the scenes throughout. Others, I am neutral about. Still others, I strongly dislike. (For me s3 veered too far away from what I think a Sherlock Holmes version should be - but that is because of what I bring with me)
So what do I have? Some fabulous friends, keen opinions to digest, some great fics and arts to experience, lots of ideas I want to write, a 21st century Sherlock to use as a jumping off point, some great scenes. That is PLENTY.
So yeah. I’m making myself at home. My chair is in the sitting room in front of the fire. Cup of tea?
This is one of the many reasons I love this woman. I know I’m kind of on the opposite end of the bridge where season 3 is concerned, but there’s still plenty of middle ground.
I know several people I care about very deeply are hurting, actively hurting, because this season was such a disappointment to them, enough that they don’t feel like they belong around the fandom, or even don’t WANT to be around the fandom anymore. That hurts me too, because I can imagine that pain. Fandom means opening yourself up and letting something in, and that makes us all vulnerable.
The canon is just there as the fodder (it’s canon-fodder, ha!). The fandom is what we do with it: glory in it, ignore it, fix it, grumble about it, love it, hate it, whatever. Transformative works come from anger and frustration born out of love, as much as out of pure unadulterated love, so I hope everybody will stick around and work out their frustrations in works of utter brilliance. <3
