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Am I an enabler?


I want to present all the evidence because if I am contributing to something bad then I really want to know. If I am wrong, tell me. I’ve never been here before.

So my friend (DUMBASS ) took up drugs 3 months. He moved to California and apparently “the California Gay scene is all about Meth”. So he did Meth. He says he’s done it about 4 times and using the lie average index I think that comes out to about 12-15 times.

This last month has been a whirlwind of shit for him so  he ended up doing it pretty damn bad one weekend which led him going into work still pretty high and because of it he lost his job. It didn’t help that he lived with a co-worker so he had once incident at work being high and one at home but both became common knowledge at work and so he lost his job.

I’ve been trying to help him through this. One night he just cried on the phone to me. It was simply that. I was there listening. He was crying. Ever so often he would ask if I was still there and I would say “yes” and he continued to cry. 

And all the while I’ve been here in New York.  I wanted to go out there but I have a job and other things. I would go if he asked. I’m not sure if it would help or hurt really. 

So I got a call this past week from a CARING COWORKER we’ve booth been friendly with. I needed to come to California because Did I know DUMBASS had been doing meth?

I didn’t know what to say to that. First , I didn’t want to confirm anything… even to a CARING COWORKER. And second well yeah I knew. I’m not happy about it. I told him to stop it. I let him know about the consequences and they played out pretty accurate to what I said. A month back I told him I felt his life was spiraling out of control. 

Soooo CARING CO WORKER called me at work (We all worked for the same company) to say I needed to hop a plane and come out California and fix this. Get him “AWAY from the L.A. Gays and LGBT meth scene” and get him off Meth and “FIX THIS”… “HE’S DOING METH. OMG HE NEEDS HELP!”

Now I know you’re thinking…omg is she downplaying Meth? That shit is cray. It’s not frikkin pot.

And you’re right it’s not pot. 

However I don’t think he’s currently doing it.

CARING COWORKER doesn’t talk to him daily. I’ve made a point to talk to him multiple times every day. 

It’s not like he had kept it hidden from me before when he was on Meth.  And I could tell when he was on Meth. He wasn’t like 

“So hi, how ya doing how’s work? that’s nice”

It was

“GIRL THERE ARE OMG WHAT WAS THAT? AHHH these guys who are trying to kill me and put holograms on the wall and I think I’m dying. The devil talked through me”

So yeah I was able to tell the difference.

And right now he seems normal.

Can you be someone who casually used meth then quit especially if it led to the loss of a job?

Let me stop and say I’ve never done drugs so I don’t know anything outside of the movies and friends. I’ve NEVER DONE ANY DRUGS.  ANY. YUP. Even that one.

So I don’t know.

I have had many friends. My friend let’s call her SWEET ARKANSAS GIRL has done meth casually before as well. She isn’t an addict. She did it a few times and although it got her high she didn’t like how long it lasted and the withdrawal of it all so she quit. She smokes pot every so often but she isn’t an addict to anything except maybe krispy kreme.

So I think it’s possible to have done a drug a few times and then go back to not doing it.

Or Am I wrong?

But he lost his job….

So since he lost his job that must mean he’s an addict right?

But a few things other people don’t know is this

1) His closest friend out there just overdosed and died a two weeks back. That became a big wake up call that meth aint nothing to fuck with

2) He lost his fucking job and he really needed the insurance that goes along with it because he’s HIV positive. So he’s quite freaked out about affording meds now and isn’t even thinking about anything that could make him worse. (Yeah he should’ve been thinking about this before but…ya know DUMBASS)

3) He had this really big break down where he realized he’d made all these wrong choices and he knows this is his own doing. He’s made his bed so he knows he has to fix it.

So I guess my long ass question is….  Am I an enabler?  Because I haven’t flown out there to bring the me, bring the pain. I’ve practiced tough love about the situation but I also haven’t judged him incredibly harshly. When he fucked up, I let him know. I yelled when I needed to yell. But I didn’t pump the brakes and say “Whoa, whoa. Meth? That’s a bit much for me. I gotta go.”

But what Am I supposed to do here? Because we talk every day and he does not sound like he did when he was doing it.  Am I wrong to not fly out there? Do I need to make sure he goes to rehab? Is it possible to have only done it a few times or does the fact that his actions caused a  job loss equal addiction? Do I need to help him confront it?

I dunno. I don’t want to enable him if he is an addict but I’m not quite sure what to do. So I’ll ask this…maybe one person will reply. Hopefully someone with an idea about drugs and friends and what not. And that’s that.

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